Being a member of the Goosed team can have some of its advantages. We get to go to tech events such as Ces, collab with some interesting people, and test out some cool products. The products range from the latest phones on the market, smart wear, audio products, and best of all, sex tech.
We are no strangers to sex tech here at Goosed. Last year, Jon tested out the Myhixel and the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo Lux (what a name). Now, thanks to the good folks over at Playblue.ie, they’ve given us a couple of smart Satisfyer sex toys to test out and see what the “buzz” is about.
Satisfyer – Sexy Secret
First up, the Sexy Secret. The Sexy Secret is a smooth, silicone, wearable vibrator for the vagina owners out there. You slip it into your underwear and clamp it on with a magnet, and nobody knows any better. The toy can be used solo or you can have a partner control it for you by using the app. This can spice up your sex life as you can be downstairs going about your business and your partner can turn the vibrator on and control the vibration strength and tempo directly from their phone.
An important factor of wearable sex toys is comfort. And from what I’ve been told by my better half, the Sexy Secret is very comfortable to wear due to it’s shape and is fixed firmly in place. And most importantly, it’s waterproof, so you don’t need to worry about damaging the toy during clean up.
One of the biggest worries generally with toys that vibrate is the noise level. When people use sex toys, two things they want are privacy and discretion. A loud vibrator is usually a deal breaker for most people and after a few uses, they can end up in the bin. With the Satisfyer Sexy Secret, you will not have that issue. If you have the vibrations turned up high, it’s obviously a bit louder, but compared to some other toys out there, it’s still very quiet. So if you want something subtle, the Sexy Secret is for you.
Another worry with sex toys, or more of an annoyance, is when the batteries go dead. Well, with this toy, thankfully there are no batteries as they are charged via a wall socket. However, it does have a specialised magnetic charging port, so do not lose the charger, as a standard USB charger will not do the job and you’ll have to go and buy a new one online
If you decide to go with the Sexy secret, it’ll set you back, a very very reasonable, €39.95 on Playblue.ie.
Our rating, (or my missus’ rating I should say): 8/10.
Satisfyer Double Love Luxury Couples Vibrator
Next up for the couples out there, we’ve got the Satisfyer Double Love Luxury Couples Vibrator. The Double Love can be used individually or as a couple. The vagina owners out there can use it as an internal and external vibrator, whilst the penis owners can use it as a stroker. We wouldn’t recommend buying this as a stroker for solo use alone, as it is built to be used as a couples toy, hence the same.
Similar to the Sexy Secret, the Double Love is a waterproof, silicone toy in the shape of a C. It has one wider end to be worn externally, and a narrower end for internal use. Once in place, the toy comfortably holds itself in place so, again, it can be used hands free. Not only also be used via the app on your phone, but you also get a little remote with some more basic functions on it such as turn the vibrations on and off and pulse mode. If you are going to use this simultaneously with a partner, we recommend using some lube so that you don’t end up pulling the thing out with your lad.
Again, like the Sexy Secret, discretion is top priority for the folks at Satisfyer who are developing these products, so the noise levels are very quiet. And the Double Love also has a charger in the pack, so you don’t need to worry about replacing batteries.
Our rating on this? My missus: 8/10. Myself: 7/10. Although my other half thoroughly enjoyed the Double Love, it didn’t do a lot for me by itself, but as a couples toy, it’s a very fun addition to the bedroom.
And you can pick this up on Playblue.ie for again, a very reasonable, €59.95.
Satisfyer Royal One Cock Ring
Lastly, we’ve got ourselves the Satisfyer Royal One Cock Ring. Unlike a standard cock ring, this one has a vibrating motor in it, which comes with a charger similar to the previous two. As a result of the motor, the toy is much thicker than your standard cock rings. But thanks to the highly flexible silicone and waterproof material, it should be good to fit most penis sizes. Before you put it on, apply some lube, stretch it and slide it on. You might be afraid that it’ll snap (the toy, not your lad), but we have tested this out and you should be just fine to stretch it without doing any damage to the toy.
Thanks to the design of the toy, you can use it solo, and place it on facing it downwards, applying vibrations to your testicles. Or you can place it on upwards if you have a partner where it can please both you and them. Although, as mentioned it is a big chunkier than your standard cock ring, you don’t have to worry about it getting in the way. In fact, the more contact you get with it, the better.
And just like the other two, noise levels with this are minimal. It is absolutely a non-issue with this cock ring and you can be almost guaranteed of your privacy when using it. My rating? 9/10. my significant other also gives it a 9/10 as it hits the right spots and is a bit more comfortable to use than that Double Love. And this is the cheapest of the lot, coming in at €29.95.
The Satisfyer Connect App
Just like a normal sex toy, each of the above toys can be used by themselves. The thing that makes these toys “smart”, is the free app available on the Play Store and Apple Store. Once your account is created, the Satisfyer app allows you to control each toy once in place.
When using the app close range, you can connect via bluetooth. So if you are in the same room or house, you can control the vibrations you or your partner experiences. “Program Play” has some preinstalled vibration patterns which you can control and adjust by swiping your finger on the screen which also controls the intensity of the vibrations. You can also set your own sequences and download more directly onto your app.
Another fun mode you can set your toys to is to music. You basically select this mode and it opens up your music app, Spotify for example. Then when you select a song, the vibrations and sequences pulse to the beat of the music. Personally, I’ve found that the sequences can be a bit off from the music, but after a minute, you’re not even focusing on it. However, I’d still recommend using one of the preinstalled sequences or manually setting your own ones.
If you’re not near your other half, you can still play by using “Remote Partner”. On this mode, you connect the toy over wifi and control the vibrations and sequences from distance. So if you’re out and about, or in another house, you can still play with your partner via the app. A great option, especially back during the lockdown days.
If you do find a specific pattern that you particularly enjoyed, you can upload it via Community Share on the app for other users of the Satifyer app around the world to use too. You can also sort by Most Popular to find some sequences that have been downloaded by thousands of users. And if you don’t have a partner of your own, you can actually allow other users of the app to control your toy via your username. This can be completely anonymous but allows you to connect and give up control to other sex positive people from around the world. You can even connect your toy with others toys and enjoy the same sequences and sensations together.
If you’re feeling particularly curios, you can switch over to the Ambient Noise option. So you can stick on the toy (The Sexy Secret is probably best for this) and your phone picks up noises via the mic which controls the sequences. Although this might be fun when out on a walk, we wouldn’t recommend wearing it to a nightclub!
The app and toys are really fun and innovative. The Satisfyers really are the next stage of sex toys and we highly recommend checking the out over on Playblue. And if you needed any further persuasion to try one out, just enter GOOSED for a 15% discount at the checkout!