the-pattern-app

It’s happening again. Something gets said on Twitter by a celebrity and now the world is scrambling to find out what The Pattern App is. Is it evil? Is it a scam? Is it the must-see trend for July 2019? Well, fear not. I’ve installed the app so you don’t have to. Unless of course, you want to.

Why Are People Talking About The Pattern App?

Channing Tatum is the reason I’ve heard about The Pattern App. It’s one of those Tweets that just grew legs and seems to be blowing up online since it was posted. In just a couple of hours, this video has been seen nearly half a million times.

Tatum appeals to his followers for someone to explain how The Pattern App works. His reaction kind of echoes everyone once something new like this blows up online.

I don’t know if I’m late to this or if I’m early to this

Tatum explains that the app asks for your birthday and time of birth, before wondering how the hell someone should know that. Then he just asks, “how the hell do you know what you know about me Pattern?”.

Tatum lets us know that he’s currently in therapy and that the app was able to use very similar language to what he and his therapist were discussing. Naturally, this leaves the 21 Jump Street actor wondering if the phone is spying on him.

What the jaysus has left poor auld Channing like this? Is the app creepy? Or is Channing just being paid a fortune for a cryptic video to drive a rake of app downloads?

I Downloaded The Pattern App

Ok, so I downloaded the app. First thing’s first. Sorry Android users. This is an iOS-only thing. I have my trusty iPhone 7 on standby for just such an eventuality.

I’ve started the app and it just came up saying “it’s very nice to meet you”. The app continues to explain that The Pattern gives insight into the person you are and the relationships that you have. How you ask? Well, it’s all based on when you came into this world.

That’s where the app onboarding begins.

What Information Does The Pattern Need?

The app states that the info you provide is critical for it to work and that it has to be accurate. My biggest fear here is that the app is just harvesting my data for untoward use by someone halfway around the world. But this is Goosed.ie. I take these risks so you don’t have to.

First up is my first and last name, then it’s my date of birth and then it gets a little weird.

The next thing the app looks for is the time of day you were born at. The app claims it needs to be down to the minute and not an estimation. If you know, great. If you don’t you have the option to text someone. You can also skip this and remove some of the insights that The Pattern App provides.

A quick text to the mother and I’m ready to go again.

Of course, gender is an important factor here. You can choose between male, female or non-binary.

Next up, the app wants to know where I was born. Once you start typing, the app will suggest the best match.

Finally, you pick how you’d like to log into The Pattern. I’m going to go with an email address so I can block any spam easily should this go pear-shaped – one of my favourite Gmail tricks that one.

Once you create a password, a unique password never used before for security reasons, I  decided not to add any other login methods. Mainly, this was because I was starting to get really suspicious about this app.

A quick selfie later and the app confirms some details before getting started on my Pattern.

The app is currently running the facts.

Results from The Pattern App

As I start this paragraph, The Pattern App is still running the numbers. A part of me wonders if this is going to be the moment AI blows my mind completely, or if instead, this is the moment I realise I’ve spent a half an hour looking at the equivalent of a Facebook app telling me when I’m going to die.

I’m going along with the people saying Channing Tatum is making money here somehow. The app itself is absolute nonsense. Don’t waste your time. It’s all astrology and the app just talks shite about vague things that will likely do more harm than good.

I’m not angry Channing, I’m disappointed.

 

What did you think of that?